Lets just look in this situation:

You are crying all night long, feeling sick and fucked up. Text to your friend who you claimed to love about your feelings, trying to gain her attention. All you ever said was that, you were scared of losing her and it was wrong to feel that way. The next day, you met this another girl, and attached!

Enough said, I’m here just laughing. Desperate asshole. Haha.

Living a hectic working life really makes me forget about what ahead of me. Somehow, I feel awaken by the true cruel reality of life. My anger is back again but it’s useless, isn’t it? As time passed by, I feel the burdens getting heavier. I’m leading to one direction, leaving me no choice to turn nowhere but the destination is defined. Nevertheless, the routes I’m going to take, is still unclear. Will I ever get to the destination anyway? Time will tell…

Meanwhile, despite a hectic working life, I’m making full use of the time I have. I really enjoyed my weekends shopping for my bag and more tops and of course, soaking up the sun at Sentosa. It was so breath taking to just sit by the beach and watch the beautiful babes and hunks in their swim wears.hehehe.

Friday will the graduation day and I can’t explain why I feel unexcited and indeed, I don’t feel like attending. Maybe, I haven’t had done well for my diploma, and even my parents don’t give a damn about it, so why bother? Maybe, they are more proud of the bustard who drive a Proton Persona? Hahahaha……what a loser!

Kids have been cute and adorable. I’m getting to love my job and looking at them, I wish I had a little brothers or sisters like them. There are so many of them that I liked most, and I can’t pick my only favorite. By the way, my working environment really changed me to like cute cute things like cute stickers, and all sort of things that is in trend for kids now!! One example is making your name into stickers! Hahaha…

Soon, I’ll be starting a new tuition assignment. I will be pretty tough for me but I have a mission for this time round. I know I’ll get that feeling of satisfaction, and that will be enough to make me feel glad.

Anyway, I learnt a lesson yesterday. “Fingernails can be a great weapon” I just make someone bleed for good. (I’m mean)

“Pain is Pleasure”
When you learnt that, you can face anything.

My week had been good I guess, except that I’ve been starting to eat a lot and feel so bloated! Ouh yah, I’m getting busier each day too! I’m still planning on my June holiday enrichments programme for my students and driving lessons will be more intense from now on, cos I’m rushing for time! besides that, my life has been about going shopping or just relaxing on the weekends.

Today, I came for work in the morning for discussion and I got to know the morning students. For the first time, I also got to send them to school (actually, wait for school bus with them). Being a teacher sometimes make me feel….errmm…u know, like when the kids come to you for help, treat you like someone they look up to? Every single day, there will always be a story to tell and I’m beginning to adore them so much (though they can be a pain in the ass). I really wish I have a lil brother or sister so every night I can hugged them to sleep. Hehe…..

I went to far east today for nothing. Hahaha. I just need something…like buy something or perhaps have a manicure but nothing catch my interest! I’m really very fussy! Till now, I haven’t had a proper bag that I wanted!

PS: I'm so in love with his voice...anyone with that voice??? hehehe

There’s a lil frustration that I feel because I haven’t had a great time during weekend especially considering that my only free time is weekend. Everything that I’ve planned didn’t go the way it was. And I’ve been searching all over for a bag but I am just so fussy to get one! Beside that, it’s gonna be so hectic for me coz I’ll be preparing enrichment programme for the june holiday, driving re-start again tomorrow and I’m starting what I enjoyed most-drawing!

I’m picking up myself again, after 3 weeks plus of feeling weak and sick all the time.

Ermm…I’m suppose to be sleep now but I can’t stop listening to music. Indonesians’ songs are real meaningful and nice too!

Hopefully this weekend will be a great one! Next week will be a short week for me, coz Friday, I’m on leave for graduation day! yay!!

*The more you try to break it, the stronger it gets.

Before you want to talk about my life and how it should be, and how you can make this all right for me, why don’t you get a life first?

I never ask anything much from anyone so don’t talk to me like I owe you a living!

You can say you care and concern all you want, but if you don’t have the means, then it’s almost the same as zero!

I don’t know why I feel so pissed with some people in my life currently who are just trying to get my attention with their sympathetic actions and control my life.

What makes you think that I will melt with those words you said?
What makes you think that I’m gonna even cry if I ever lost you?

It’s been more than 3 week and still, I’m down with fever and tonsillitis over and over again. I hate it when it’s started to repeat, the chills I feel, and coarse voice I have. Yesterday, I went to visit the doctor again but this time, he gave me a stronger antibiotics. Somehow, I had enough of this sickness and I’ve decided to go for the tonsil removal soon. I’ve already had that thought 3 years ago and this time, whether this tonsillitis gonna get better or not, I’ve decided to just go for it.

So, these days, I’ve just been so weak and felt feverish every single day. arghhh….it’s so annoying coz I can’t even concentrate on anything. I had to cancel driving, and woke up late, and sleepless nights because of block nose and chills.

Friendship can really be so complicated if there is hidden feelings. That’s why it’s better to……

Say Goodnite!

I’ve changed my blog skin. Ermm…maybe it doesn’t suit my personality but there is just a part of me wish that I’m still a little girl, innocent and cute. Remembering childhood always remind me how much burden I had during those times, simply saddening. But who say you can’t be a child when you’ve grown up? Adults are just so tense, always trying to keep up with this racing world. Just for a moment, close your eyes, imagine sitting on the swing and feel the wind rushes through your face, feel free… ermm….

For these days, I just feel like break down but I know no one can ever understand. I’m weird they said, or maybe they think it’s the PMS. To just cry for no exact reason that had happen that day, is it wrong or weird? Think of the road you’ve gone through, look how far you’ve came, and see those people who are just selfish, feel the hurt inside that you’ve been keeping away, lose yourself for a moment and cry as much as you want… all you ever want is someone who is just there to lend you his/her shoulders. That’s all…that would be enough.

There’s a place I was thinking of going, a place that will bring back those bittersweet memories. It’s been long and to me, it’s like a grave, where all the memories had been buried deep down. Ermm…

I’m glad I’m recovering now, only on off fever which I think must be because of the sucky weather. But the rest of it, I guess I’m alright.

I want to lie down, look at the stars and wish….

I’m down with throat infection and fever again. It’s only been few days since I recovered. I’m high with cough syrup again.

Sometimes, I feel guilty for all the events that had changed people but at the same time, why would I want to blame myself when everything is their choice? Life is like a game-BMW (Best Man Win). But of course, life is more than that. You don’t need to be rich to make you feel like you’ve succeeded in life, it’s all about within itself. Happiness and satisfaction in life is what is the ultimate success in life and everyone has their own definition of happiness.

Sometimes, I wonder if the truth and reason will ever be known but why holding back on those thoughts? I’ll just walk and walk and I know, at the end of the path, I’ll find out somehow.

Someone ever apologized for hurting me, I’ll just smile because the truth is, I’m unbound. The only people that can hurt me is myself.

PS. Nothing to do with anyone, just my opinion and thoughts